Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
