Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
