I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
