Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Is it because I queefed?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
