Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
