she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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