Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Are my feet made of real feet?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
