So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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