dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
