he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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