Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
