So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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