pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I cut my penus on the lid.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
