Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
