Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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