I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
