it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
