I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
