one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
