Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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