So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He felt like a one man threesome
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
