with your own penis?
Someone shit on the floor
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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