Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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