If that was your dad, he is hot
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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