Your mouth is God's brothel.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
