why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
