sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
birth control should be required to get into college
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
