dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
