i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
