I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
