I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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