why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
