i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
