Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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