finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
