my shit smells like andre
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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