Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I have fence marks all over my body
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
