Are we in a gay sports bar?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
