We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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