Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
