I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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