I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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