i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
