I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
