Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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