Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i was born a porn star she said
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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