If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
