so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
