I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
