I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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