nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So vagazzling was a success
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
