Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
