I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
