I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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